I would have selfishly put these in my journal but i wanted to share them with all!




LIE DETECTOR


John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of
unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a
nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in
fact a Lie Detector. He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then he
would show her how it worked.
At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school,
nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Both parents were understandably angry.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they
asked.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said
Tommy. The Robot rolled around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking
him completely out of his chair.
'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after
school.' 'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'
'What did you watch?', asked Marsha. 'The Ten Commandments.'
The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him,
knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat
down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to
my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told
dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.'
The robot rolled around to John and delivered a roundhouse right
that not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and
half way across the patio.When he came back inside, Marsha was doubled
over laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be
too mad with Tommy. After all, he IS your son!'
The Robot immediately rolled around to Marsha and slapped the shit out of
her.........

I would have selfishly put these in my journal but i wanted to share them with all!




LIE DETECTOR


John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of
unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a
nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in
fact a Lie Detector. He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then he
would show her how it worked.
At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school,
nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Both parents were understandably angry.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they
asked.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said
Tommy. The Robot rolled around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking
him completely out of his chair.
'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after
school.' 'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'
'What did you watch?', asked Marsha. 'The Ten Commandments.'
The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him,
knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat
down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to
my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told
dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.'
The robot rolled around to John and delivered a roundhouse right
that not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and
half way across the patio.When he came back inside, Marsha was doubled
over laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be
too mad with Tommy. After all, he IS your son!'
The Robot immediately rolled around to Marsha and slapped the shit out of
her.........

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Mi not putting no more until mi get a review fi da one here.

Mi not putting no more until mi get a review fi da one here.

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I was a very happy man


I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one, last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:






Always keep your condoms in your car.

I was a very happy man


I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one, last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:






Always keep your condoms in your car.

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Aww.. that poor guy. LOL!! === Original Message === I was a very happy man


I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one, last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:






Always keep your condoms in your car.

Aww.. that poor guy. LOL!! === Original Message === I was a very happy man


I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one, last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:






Always keep your condoms in your car.

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Poor guy! LMAO!! Him lucky thats wat he is! Lucky he kept his condoms in his car!

Poor guy! LMAO!! Him lucky thats wat he is! Lucky he kept his condoms in his car!

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LOL!! oh my... :)

I have a joke but I can't write it because some ppl say it's 'racist' and others say it's x-rated. :)

LOL!! oh my... :)

I have a joke but I can't write it because some ppl say it's 'racist' and others say it's x-rated. :)

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write it. we will be the judge of that

write it. we will be the judge of that

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I dont know about this one for the tedious ppl. This one is lk walking on top of the s** topic. so here goes



"APARTMENT RENTAL"


A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500.

He spends the night with her but before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:

Dear Madam :

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that; 1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat; and
3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note,
the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note: Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady!

I dont know about this one for the tedious ppl. This one is lk walking on top of the s** topic. so here goes



"APARTMENT RENTAL"


A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500.

He spends the night with her but before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:

Dear Madam :

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that; 1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat; and
3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note,
the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note: Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady!

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Are you sure? I wanted to make friends on here not enimes.. :)

Are you sure? I wanted to make friends on here not enimes.. :)

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Actually Toni I'll tell you that one in a message to you if you want to hear it. I'm to afraid to put it up here. But I'll put this one up because I don't think it will break any rules. (I hope not anyway)

Actually Toni I'll tell you that one in a message to you if you want to hear it. I'm to afraid to put it up here. But I'll put this one up because I don't think it will break any rules. (I hope not anyway)

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